7.
Self Improvement Programme
'It's all about the Self' - Inner Child & Self Love Therapy Programme.
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I have heard the question so many times, 'what IS actually Self Love?'
It would seem that ultimate self-care is to 'love yourself' - yet, many don't know 'how' to do that effectively, or where to begin. One often thinks that by having a bubble bath, game of golf, or a meal out, is self-love, and although these things bring enjoyment, and are imperative for our good feel hormones, this is not what Self Love wholly is.
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Self Love is having regard for one's own well-being and happiness. It is using your voice appropriately when needed, having healthy boundaries and sticking to them, talking to yourself kindly with respect, nurturing, and encouraging your self-growth (self-awareness, and self-knowledge) - basically being your own best friend.
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Often, when we put ourselves first in any manner, for example, saying 'no' to something, we are often not comfortable with it. It can throw up a lot of conflicting feelings, such as; feeling selfish, guilty, or creates worry that we are letting others down. We then find ourselves, doing something we don't want to do, which can make us feel resentment towards the other person.
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What Does Self-Love Look Like?
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* Saying positive things to yourself.
* Forgiving yourself when you mess up.
* Making sure your own needs are being met too.
* Not allowing others to take advantage of you, or abuse you.
* Prioritising your own physical health, and emotional well-being.
* Spending time around people who support you, and build you up (and avoiding others who don't)
* Asking for help from others when you need it.
* Allowing yourself, and feeling comfortable with vulnerability.
* Working through, and letting go of grudges, or anger, that holds you back.
* Knowing yourself - recognising your strengths, and working on (or acceptance of) your weaknesses.
* Honouring, acknowledging, discussing, and working through your emotions, as they arise.
* Making healthy choices for the majority.
* Living in accordance to your morals and values.
* Pursuing your interests, goals, and dreams.
* Setting personal challenges.
* Holding yourself accountable when you are in the wrong.
* Accepting your imperfections (If you can't change it, the only thing is to accept it).
* Setting realistic expectations of the self.
* Learning to express your needs appropriately.
* Noticing, and praising your progress and effort - Self Validation.
* Setting healthy boundaries in all environments, and with others, and maintaining them.
* Having dealbreakers in place in all your relationships.
* Seeking therapy when you need assistance in life, and to be active in your healing.
* Choosing to change a negative mindset.
* Sticking to commitments and responsibilities you have set yourself.
* Practising gratitude.
* Self Reflecting when needed.
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What Does It Look Like When Self Love Is NOT Present?
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> Being highly critical of yourself.
> People Pleasing.
> Perfectionism.
> Tolerating abuse, and mistreatment from others.
> Stifling your voice when you feel you need to speak out.
> Ignoring how you feel, or what you think.
> Neglecting your own needs.
> Self Sabotaging Behaviours.
> Making choices, and decisions that are not in your interest.
> Putting yourself last in your decisions, and choices - ignoring your true desires.
> Feeling selfish, or guilty, if you can't or don't meet another’s needs.
> Stifling your inner voice to express your wants, needs, and desires - or uncomfortable about defending yourself, or your rights.
> Avoidance of, or feeling uncomfortable, in conflictual situations.
> Ignoring how you feel inside, so as to not create any kind of upset with others.
> Thinking, and feeling that you do not matter, unloved, worthless, or unimportant.
> Keeping your thoughts, ideas, and opinions to yourself, in order to keep the peace.
> Taking the blame, when you feel you are not at fault.
> Stifling what you would like to say, so to not upset another, or avoidance to refrain from feeling bad within.
>Thinking, or actioning on, that everyone else’s needs matter more.
> Difficulty saying no - when you really want to.
> Feel often that others take advantage of you.
> Have little to no boundaries, or dealbreakers.
> Enduring abusive relationships, and friendships, or working environments.
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If you recognise yourself in several of the above, you may have some inner therapeutic work to do, that will improve your life, and in relating to others.
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One of the most common Self Love behaviours that many lack is not feeling comfortable using their inner voice to express their wants, and don't wants, feelings, and thoughts. Often this is a learned behaviour, usually from childhood, where we were covertly made to suppress our voice, thoughts, and emotions - and only to meet the needs of others.
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Parents often do this unknowingly. They themselves may not have learned this skill, following generational habits, and they themselves may feel uncomfortable with their own emotions.
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Often, if it felt wrong as a child to express one’s needs - for whatever reason, a child will then internalise this as;
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< Others should come first.
< If I feel bad inside, there must be something wrong with me.
< My needs do not matter.
< I have to ignore what I feel inside.
< I will be punished if I speak out.
< I need to ignore that voice inside of me, or what I feel.
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… rather than the truth being that, there is something wrong with the dynamics in the family home.
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This usually follows the child into adulthood, and can impair; good mental health, self-belonging, wise choices around relationships, and friendships, how they view themselves (self-concept), and erodes self-identity.
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"With any learned behaviour - do remember, it can be unlearned".
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What will happen if you do the Inner Child Work?
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~ you will feel more in control of your own life.
~ you will feel more independent, not having to rely so much on others.
~ an ability to self-validate.
~ you won’t be as exhausted trying to please all - it’s impossible anyhow.
~ you will learn that it is not a selfish act to take your needs, and feelings into consideration, but
imperative.
~ you will learn to use your voice more effectively, and appropriately - an ability to ask for your needs to
be met.
~ you will not fear being alone, or being abandoned.
~ you will not be in fear of moving forward.
~ you will feel better equipped to deal with difficult people.
~ you will desire, and chose to be around healthy, and balanced individuals.
~ you will learn to feel at ease with your opinions, even if they differ from others.
~ you will find yourself saying no to more things that you really don’t feel comfortable with.
~ you will become more at ease when dealing with conflict.
~ you will lose self-beliefs created that say that you are not worthy.
~ you won’t get so overwhelmed when dealing with others.
~ you will learn how to properly connect to your intuition, and feelings.
~ the negative feelings of shame, guilt, and selfishness will diminish when you use your voice.
~ you will be less critical of yourself.
~ your confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth will increase.
~ you will feel better equipped to make healthier choices in relationships.
~ you will learn and feel comfortable using personal boundaries, and dealbreakers.
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*Inner Child Work is ideal for clients who have exited a toxic, abusive, or narcissistic relationship, who want to heal from the trauma bond, self reflect on relationship patterns, look at attachment issues, overcome their dating fears, and thereafter, prepare themselves for finding healthy love.
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Programmes Available:
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8 Week Inner Child/Self Love & Self Empowerment.
12 Week Inner Child/Self Love & Narcissistic/Toxic Abuse Recovery.
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Please note these programmes can be adjusted to suit your exact individual needs.
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